"TAX Audits" Episode 1: Kruddy Diplomacy

> On the 20.06.2008 1:07 Jboc wrote::
> > Dear Krud Den Stone,
> >
> > I wish to inform you that a small group of renegade ships seems to be heading towards my port. I regret to inform you that they are ruthlessly spending 2 times their normal upkeep to make the 2.5 hour trip. Now as you are now doubt aware, you used to be quite rich before a portion of your money found a more loving home in my treasury. So, as your ship men rob you of your money, they are preventing you from amassing a fortune again. You may have notice I am quite poor. And you being poor presents a problem to, as my soldiers cannot escort lots of money from your town into mine until you are rich again. Please instruct these ships to come back as soon as possible. I would also suggest firing your researchers and half of your workers and army, to accommodate my rather dire situation.
> >
> > Now, in the unlikely situation that you did in fact order this undignified assault, I fear that your cities and those of your friends will burn for the accident. Sincerely, jboc personal slave to carla

On the 20.06.2008 3:04 Knud den Store wrote::
> Dear Jcock
>
> It has nothing to do with you in particular. Your whole alliance have been placed under sanctions due to your disrespect for standard diplomatic procedure, so I it is my duty to block TAX ports from time to time.

Dear Knub,
It seems as if you have misspelled my username, It is j-b-o-c for future reference. I would also note that such a failure to check spelling shows "disrespect for standard diplomatic procedure". However, this has occurred numerous times historically, such accident has led to innovation. When I imagine my persona I do think of barn animals, so such a name would truly be fitting, would it not? Now, if such a misspelling was in fact a personal attack on me or some sort of retaliation from my clever misspelling of your name in the previous message, I have only to say to you that the misspelling was not meant as offensive, but merely meant as a clever attempt to draw a metaphor between yourself and human feces.
Furthermore, I would point out the word "sanction" deals with the ceasement of trade, not randomly sending a few boats to sit outside my town for a few hours. I might furthermore point out the futility of such actions, which serve no purpose but to further motivate our alliance to turn this "sanction" into full blown war. Now war, however fun, is a bad thing. I
like war. And you think I am bad. So War must be bad.
Simply put: "Why can't we just be friends". Here's the deal. Check the highscore board under "generals". Just the top 100 will do. Look to see if you can find the word TAX anywhere.

With my sincerest regret for your actions,
Jboc, also known as "jcock"

p.s. I am confused by your words "so I it is my duty to block TAX ports from time to time." In our alliance we have ranks like general, home secretory, diplomat, etc. Do you hold the post "official TAX port blocker?"

On the 20.06.2008 14:55 Knud den Store wrote::
> Dear J-Lo
>
> "furthermore, I would point out the word "sanction" deals with the ceasement of trade, not randomly sending a few boats to sit outside my town for a few hours."
> - Since it is not possible to control who sells and buys from me, unfortunately a blockade is the only way to make trade sanctions.

Dear Kruddykrudknubknub,
I fear your attempts to distort such a perfect username have reached an all time low. Truly, claiming J-lo could look similar to jboc or sound similar truly leaves me upset and distressed about humanity.
Now as for a sanction, I am still happily trading. I just can't trade over sea from one town. A sanction is a refusal to trade, not a refusal to let me trade with others. Furthermore, the typical blockade in Ikariam is used as a gateway to a more serious battle. One I so anxiously awaited, but never came.
But, to return to my first point, one which I am truly passionate about, must abandon formal diplomacy for a second here and communicate this as simply as possible: "WTF mate? J-lo? That's like me saying your name sounds like Kellogg's cereal because it starts with a k. Seriously, WTF.,"
That said, I would like to make one last comment. This little argument may soon end so please make the best out of it. Also, Why can't we be friends?

-sincerely
jboc (spelled with a j, b, o, and c, in that order without any dashes)

I think J-lo and jcock are pretty innocent nicknames compared to linking my name to feces.
Sure we could be friends, or at least at peace. As i said, todays enemies could be tomorrows allies and I have a feeling that you can be negotiated with.
However, the fact that you are a presence in this area and in an alliance that is bent on destruction and cant be reasoned with, you will always pose a threat. Your attack was well timed and shows me that you do cooperate with the other members of your alliance in your attempt to destroy us.
I am very well aware that a blockade is used for a ground troop attack, and maybe it will come. Maybe in the 2nd blockade, maybe in the 5th, maybe in the 10th.
I would prefer attacking others from TAX, but that will all depend on the situation. One thing is for certain, we have no choice but to try to eliminate the threat that TAX poses, since TAX doesnt want peace.

Dear Knum-knut,
I most definitely agree the nicknames you so cleverly attempted to assign me were innocent. I can think of nothing more pure than a nice, big chicken, after all. The simple lack of creativity on your part is what most encited my anger.
Now I also agree with your statement about how today's enemies MIGHT be tomorrows allies. However, there is another side to that, one which I would like to avoid... sort of. That is that today's enemies may be crushed to a pulp tomorrow.
As for your statement that you have no choice but to wipe us out, because we are bent on destruction, you should note that you ALWAYS have a choice. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
And our alliance isn't bent on destruction. Someone so well versed to the "standard diplomatic procedure" as yourself ought to know the importance of importance of researching those you intend to talk to. Read our guest topics on our forum and you might understand that we are bent on things like butter cream frosting, not destruction. Remeber only 4 of us attacked you, and we each haad reasons, none of which involved destruction. We wern't even showing force.
Quietfire was doing it out of peer pressure. Understand he has no self control. The "everyone else was doing it" to him is as good an argument as any.
K2onic pain was doing it because his wife is watching his accounts while he works, and she is quite moody and also she was offended by your leaders' attempts to swallow us.
Janeysaurus is not a destruction-loving war-monger at all. She really only wants to trade. But she wants to trade REALLY badly, whether or not you like it. She also escorts all her trade fleets with hundreds of troops (strictly for security, of course).
Finnally, as for me, I just like money. I saw the opportunity to get money, so I seized it. Shame you have no members with more than 900k gold anymore. Truly my treasury will suffer.
Now, your absurd claim that our attacks were coordinated and timed is just that: absurd. You disrespect me by claiming I talk to people such as Janeysaurus. It is true that the attack was a strange and eerie coincidence, and I even was mad because I got no pillage out of it when my allies also attacked.
Finnally, Shame your ground attack never will come because of that ceasefire. I was looking forward to it. My troops would have gladly appreciated the excitement and blood. They are getting a little bored inside my large wall. In other words I have spied you out long ago and understand your threats to pillage me on ground were empty. Remember that whole research thing?

Anyways, G'day to you sir,
Jboc, Home Secretory of TAX

ceasefire? I was not informed about any ceasefire. We did receive a sensible message from your leader though, which talked about "negotiations"...

Well Krud, our alliance has stopped our attacks, and are pulling out spies. I suggest that so does yours if you hope for any such negotiations to occur. Its N.A.P. or war, and if your alliance doesn't call a ceasefire we may decide on the latter prematurely...

On the 21.06.2008 3:31 Knud den Store wrote::
> Just because you have temporarily stopped doesnt that a ceasefire exists. A ceasefire exists once both parties have agreed to make a ceasefire. Besides, you have not stopped..I know for sure that one of our members are getting attacked right at this moment by one of your members.

No, we called a temp. ceasefire for negotiations. Who is attacking who? You will call a ceasefire for negotiations also, or we will not negotiate. Or worse... k2onic will have me negotiate.

"typically attacks everyone above 1000k with no military, since many times they've been attacked so much they are going inactive or in the hopes they'll actually build ship and some troops"